I’M AN AUNTIE!!!! April 19th, this sweet boy entered the world. Mommy, Daddy & Baby are doing fantastic!
The entire family has been on cloud 9 now that Caleb Miles is here! April 18th my SIL was checked in to the hospital, and as I waited anxiously back home, I received a text from my parents that the little guy was born April 19th in the afternoon! What a joy it has been to see my brother and SIL, Allie be wonderful parents to this little guy. It’s amazing what a baby does in a family. Changes a lot, in a good way! It shocked me, the second I got the text that he was born, my life flashed before my eyes when my brother and I were little kids, to now he’s a dad. To see the glow in my parent’s eyes is so amazing. It is definitely safe to say, Caleb has taken over everyone’s iPhones! It just really puts me in awe at what God creates. To hear at 14 weeks when Eric and Allie announced the pregnancy, to holding such a tiny human in my arms just puts me at a loss for words. I could stare at him all day swinging in his swing making the little faces he does. At not even two weeks old, he has changed so much. His facial expressions & that oh-so-cute baby smell, I love it all!
As-far-as Danny and I, we’re doing great! I’m fully healed, and we have the green to give this a shot again. We talked prior to surgery with our doctor when we could give fertility medication, monitored cycles, you know, the whole nine yards, and he said end of April. I’ve been counting my days down for us to try again. However, instead of trying medication I decided I need to give that all a break. I was at a point of mental exhaustion, and that certainly does no good for the process. A dear friend of mine who I’ve met through this process sent me a Bible study to study on infertility. I told Danny, the first chapter I did really opened my eyes to the fact I haven’t dealt with all of the feelings that come along with this process. I vowed to you, Danny and myself that I would stay positive. That also doesn’t mean I am perfect and not going to have hiccups. I’ve been through the anxious stage, and that is about it. I’ve cried, but I never found it in myself to be angry. I don’t feel right saying I am angry with God, because I’m not. I’ve said it again, and I’ll say it now, I am okay with the cards I was dealt. I feel in my heart that’s a sin, and I would be shunning my faith, which is the last thing I would do. However, I was angry reading through the first chapter at the fact I’m not there with all the women who have babies, who are currently pregnant, or who are in my same shoes with PCOS and endometriosis and are currently pregnant. All within the first few tries.
I ended on a positive note as the study explained, “Sarah couldn’t conceive, but she did! God made that happen.” That’s absolutely true, but when it feels as though we do everything right, and it doesn’t happen, I often question myself: Am I meant to be a mom? Danny tells me, my mom tells me, everyone tells me, “Yes you are! In due time!” I truly believe that, but for the sake my own sanity, I have to go through stages of emotion to completely trust this process.
When I say I am going to give this all a shot naturally, I really am. I bought a book to clean up my appetite that I talked about in my previous post. I’m a pretty healthy eater, but there are little areas I can clean it up. I’m also going to try essential oils. I’ve used oils in the past for calming & relaxation effects, and they do wonders! Lavender is one of my favorites, I could smell that ALL. DAY. LONG — Literally! I truly believe in the holistic way of treating (with the work of God) as I was doing acupuncture and herbs for a while, and I did indeed get a cycle, but unfortunately insurance doesn’t cover all of that, so I found a lighter alternative on our budget to try.
That’s really where we stand right now. I’m in love with being an aunt. I long for the day I hear his little voice say, “Aunt Nikki!!”
Until next time; stay positive.