18 Weeks Today… AND the start of month 5… Time is flying by!
Also, if you don’t know by now, we’re having a Girl! Charlotte Ann, aka Charlee.
I can’t believe I am entering month 5 already! It feels like Danny and I were announcing our pregnancy yesterday, when it actually was 10 weeks ago. Pregnancy overall has been a breeze if you read my previous post. Aside from the migraines here and there, and the couple of instances during my first trimester of nausea, I can’t complain. I have really enjoyed being pregnant and seeing my body change. Thankfully, I am “all belly” so far, and I hope it stays that way, ha-ha! I have gained (depending on what the scale wants to read) between 8-9 lbs. My doctor said I am doing great with weight gain; right on track for that matter. I have more people really noticing I am pregnant these days. I light up when I get comments, and enjoy talking about my baby girl!
You’re probably wondering, “Why is any form of the word ‘vulnerable’ in the headline?!” Let me elaborate…
If you know me, or have read previous posts, you’ll know I started taking an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), a fancy word for medication to treat anxiety, depression, and other disorders in that realm back in 2014… or 2015 (I am drawing a blank!). I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder back in 2015 (I believe? Or 2014, my memory runs together these days, folks!). Either way, I basically would get anxious over nothing. My mind would worry, over nothing. I knew whenever the time came that I found out I was pregnant that I did not want to be on medication of any kind. Prenatal vitamins is all I swore by, and still do. I did it the right way when I found out we were expecting, and got with both my Obgyn and Psychiatrist to properly ween me off so that I was medication free. Prozac rates as a category ‘C’ during pregnancy, and after reading the risk factors prior to being pregnant, my mind had been made up. It took about two weeks to fully ween me the right way. I felt great thereafter, and don’t get me wrong, I still do.
However, within the last 2 weeks, at random times I’ll get anxious. It’s only been in the middle of the night when I’m sleeping, or at random if I’m relaxing on the couch not doing much. Truthfully, in the middle of the night bugs me out. I’ll be in a deep sleep, and my body decides it wants to wake up, and stay up for an hour, sometimes more. Otherwise, I’ve gained control of my thinking, and I must say, I am pretty damn proud of myself and how far I’ve come! I don’t give myself enough credit sometimes for where I am, but when I take time to think about it, I become very proud of who I am today. I decided to reach out to my psychiatry staff, who happens to be a good family friend to explain how I’ve been feeling, and THAT is where the vulnerability sets in. To harbor these feelings of how I have been feeling seems like what I should do, because as a pregnant woman who dealt with anxiety prior to being pregnant, it’s huge for individuals like me to share our experience. I felt a bit embarrassed and unsure to bring it up because I feel like after wanting this pregnancy for SO long, that should be enough sense to knock into me that I shouldn’t feel anxious in any way. BUT, that is why I do what I do. That is why I blog. Maybe, just maybe my story can help one person. Maybe that person is not pregnant, they don’t have to be, but opening up about your emotions to get help when you feel you need is, is a HUGE step! I can’t pinpoint why I feel anxious at those random times, but I think a small part of it has to do with not knowing if I am feeling the baby move yet. I am certain I am feeling her often, but I am unaware since I am not sure what I should be feeling. Finding out my placenta was anterior (in front of the baby) was a bit of a shock to me. I found out at 16 weeks that I probably won’t feel baby kick until 18-22 weeks. Which, I am at 18, but seeing others feel those kicks early on, and me not feel them yet, is a bit nerve-racking. It’s called patience, and trust during the process. Something I sometimes lack. However, I have been told by my doctor it’s normal, and happens more often than not. Charlee is perfectly healthy, so really, I have nothing (key word) to worry about!
I have still decided that I don’t want to be on medication, and truthfully, I, personally don’t feel I am anywhere near needing that big of help, but natural alternatives are the options I have opted for. I know I need to let go of stress regardless if I had anxiety or not. I also know if I have come this far without medication, I can continue to have what I call a “normal life” here on out without a pill. If you take medication, I am in no way downing you! For me personally, I rely on my faith completely. I have also started yoga again, as of this evening actually, journaling (outside of blogging), and lastly, I follow Joyce Meyer and I love her story and all she has come through. I purchased one of her books on my Kindle to start reading this evening as well. It’s all about change in this momma’s life!
I am completely committed to continuing my life worry and anxiety free, on a natural level. Most importantly for baby Charlee. I don’t want my stress to be of harm to her. That is who I think of first, and of course, Danny. I want to continue being the best wife I can be, and building a life-long relationship of love and happiness for my family.
My message to you is, if you’re suffering of any kind, seek help. It takes a HUGE burden off of your shoulders. That doesn’t mean you have to take medication. Just like I have decided, I am taking natural routes to positively change my way of life, and my way of thinking. I know as a first-time, soon-to-be parent I want to set the best example I can for my daughter when it comes to living a worry and anxiety-free life. It all starts with you (in this case of course, me). You have to want to make that change, and you have to want to get that help. No one can do it for you.
I’m very blessed to have the support system I do. Danny is my rock through and through. My parents, the rest of my family & my close friends never let me down.
I’ll definitely come back and write a review on the book and how I feel after, where my mind is, etc. I’m very excited to continue to share my journey, and document my highs and lows. Life is not perfect, and it’s not a walk in the park, but that’s what makes your story yours.
Last little note, some have asked if there is any significance behind Charlotte Ann, aka Charlee as the baby’s name. There’s no true reason behind Charlotte as her first name and Ann as her middle name. I wish I had a better story, but we just happened to be thinking of baby names earlier this year, before finding out I was pregnant and settled on that for a girl. Danny and I both fell in love. However, we both also are suckers for different nicknames for girls. Actually, boy names for a girl with a twist. It was between Devyn or Charlotte (with a nickname). Of course, we settled on Charlotte. Danny said Charlie for short. I said, let’s twist it a bit. C-h-a-r-l–e–e. I want her to have a piece of her daddy. Lee is Danny’s middle name, but Charlee also looks like a better fit for a girl. SO, that’s it. That’s our story on our baby girl, Charlee.
Until next time. 🙂